5.06.2013

Not a Post Full of Rainbows

Before I get into this post, I just wanted to go ahead and inform you that it's not going to be full of sunshine and flowers. It's actually going to be a little on the negative side. I try to avoid that as much as possible, but I just need to get these feelings out of my system. Also, just because I'm complaining does not mean that I'm playing the "poor me" card, or that I'm not thankful for the opportunities that I have. Any real blogger...or human being in general, should understand that life just gets annoying sometimes.
 
You may have noticed that I have been MIA for over a week now. I really get upset with myself when I don't blog, but every couple of months I go through a period of time that I'm just kind of down on life. Sometimes I don't know what causes it, but in this instance, I definitely do know the cause...and that cause is work. Work has really been stressing me out, and most days during the past couple of weeks have been crazy busy. I'm overwhelmed, I have to talk to rude people on the phone more than I would care to, and I'm just overall stressed out an on edge when I'm at the office. It's not a nice feeling, and most days I have come home and just sulked around. I'm really disappointed in myself, and I have had a super hard time shaking the negativity. I love my coworkers, and I have a fantastic boss, but I don't like the stress that this type of work places on my work life...and more importantly, my life outside of the office.
 
I tried to go in with a positive attitude today, but it just ended up being another full day of emotions. I was grumpy all morning, and after lunch I ended up having a meltdown over the slightest mistake. When did I become this type of person? I know I'm doing a good job in this position, so why am I letting every little thing freak me out? I understand that it's completely normal to dislike your first "real" job...but that just doesn't seem to make waiting for a sign of what to do next any easier.  Yes, I completely realize that I'm only 23, and I have all the time in the world to figure things out. Maybe I'm just annoyed because I know what I want to do...but it may never work out. I just want to write...regardless of whether it's articles for magazines...or freelance writing...or the novel that I dream of publishing.
 
What it comes down to is...I just need to calm down. I really need to just trust God and have faith that things will look up. God will open doors for me...whether it be a new job, or a writing opportunity, or something that hasn't even crossed my mind yet. I need to focus on the positives. I have so many people encouraging me as I'm trying to find my place...John, my family, my friends...they're all fantastic.
 
So, I'm going to suck it up...and stop crying on the way to work in the mornings. Things could be worse. I'm probably never going to love this job while I'm in it, but the major perk to being an ambitious person is that I can do a phenomenal job even though it's not my niche.
 
Maybe this ended up being more positive than I thought it would be. Again, I apologize for my disappearance. I'm slowly coming out of my funk...and things will get better.
 
 

Vicky Hunt said...

You don't know how happy I am to hear this Randa. I have been so worried about you and have been praying for you to come to a place of acceptance. Often times God won't reward us with what we want until we learn up be content in what He has already provided. Your dream job is out there and I am certain you will have it eventually....in Gods time....:) I love you with all my heart and want you to find happiness in this moment of time.
Love, Mama

Vicky Hunt said...

* to not up! :)

Mrs.Vaughan said...

Hey you, I love you. And your Mama is right. Even on days we don't talk, I'm silently cheering you on from here. I admire your perseverance in spite of the difficulties you have experienced <3.

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