A little over a week ago I posted about an upcoming job interview for a teaching position. Well...I didn't get the job. I was really depressed about it all evening after I got the call, but not necessarily because I was dying for this position. I know, that makes no sense at all. Why would I interview for something that I don't really want?
Here's the deal...all throughout college, I had complete intentions of being a teacher. That's what I had decided on, simply because it was something that seemed obtainable for me. It wasn't until I graduated late, and had to take a job completely outside of what I had planned that I began to think about what I really want out of a life, and a career. And you know what? Teaching was no longer in that plan.
While working a job that I'm not particularly fond of, I have really been able to identify my true passions. What are they? Writing. Creativity. Reading. Helping people. There are a few others, but those have been the constants in my life. For a long time, people have been telling me that making a living off of writing is a ridiculous idea, and it will never happen. Well, I have decided otherwise. I know what I'm capable of, and I know what I want to work towards.
So for the past few months, that has been my focus. I am slowly but surely taking baby steps, and things are happening. Outside of my day job, I have been freelancing, working on my novels, and blogging. And you know what? Not only have I been loving it...but I have also been able to see that writing for a living really is possible. I can see a glimpse of that being my primary source of support in the future.
When I came across the advertisement for that teaching job, I decided to go ahead an apply because I have been so focused on getting out of my current job. I tried to prepare and get myself into that mindset. I was really excited about potentially obtaining the job, but not really because it was my dream job or anything. I'm not going to lie, I kind of bombed the interview. It didn't go over well at all. Therefore, when they chose somebody else, it was completely understandable.
So I had my cry, and got over it fairly quickly. It was easy for a few reasons. First of all, I would have been taking a pay cut for this job, which I just seriously cannot afford. Secondly, if I was a teacher all of my writing time would be taken over by lesson planning and paper grading. Thanks, but no thanks. Lastly, I would just overall not have the time to work towards the place that I feel God is calling me to. Am I giving up 100% on the idea of teaching? Not entirely. However, I just have to accept that it's not a priority for me anymore. At least not at this point in time.
The reason that the rejection did upset me though, is it was just a reminder of how I just feel stuck in my current day job. It stresses me out, it's not my type of work, and I get a little panicky when I think about how I could be stuck there for a long period of time. In this day and time, when you find a job that provides you with decent income and benefits...you take it because they are few and far between. Waiting for a sign of what to do next is a really difficult thing.
God always has a way of showing his presence though. When I was in Marianna with John this past weekend, we visited a church and the pastor's message was about seasons of waiting, and how people choose to react. He used the example of Abram and Sarai in Genesis 12...how they waited patiently for Sarai to be blessed with a child and it just wasn't happening. Sarai grew impatient and assumed that God was not keeping his promise of blessing them with a family, so she took things into her own hands by telling Abram to conceive a child with her slave, Hagar. The situation ended up causing tension and anger among everyone involved, all because Sarai was impatient.
The sermon really hit home with me. I get so highly impatient when I feel like things aren't happening quickly enough. During this season of waiting, I need to focus on trusting that God will provide when the time is right, as opposed to taking it upon myself to jump at every little opportunity. That doesn't mean that I should simply sit back and wait for the answer to fall in my lap, but rather that I should cherish rejection as it comes and view it as one step closer to where I'm truly meant to be.
I hope this helps some of you who may be going through the same situation. Also, I've never openly said this, but I would be more than happy to discuss anything faith related with anyone who may need some encouragement. You can always email me at email@example.com!