I have an extremely difficult time coming to terms with my flaws. Even though I am fully aware of the negative characteristics that I suffer from, I still just hate to admit it. It's not that I feel like I have to be a perfect person, because trust me, I don't want to be perfect. I can't really pinpoint a specific reason for why I don't want to face the facts. All I know is, I always go through a process of being defensive and making excuses for whatever trait is in question before I actually decide that it's something I need to work on changing.
Lately, with each passing day, I have been realizing that I am an extremely impatient person. I have always known this to a point, but I have noticed that when it comes to big things in my life I really struggle with patience. I'm always looking for the next big change or opportunity. I want a new job now. I need to have all of my debt paid off now. I want to have my life in order now. I want to have an idea of how things will turn out in the next few years right now.
This leads to A LOT of anxiety in my life. Every Monday morning for the past few months, I have woken up and said, "Okay Miranda, this is it. This is the week that you are going to figure your life out." Then, at the end of the week, I get upset because nothing has changed. Everything is just as it was on that Monday morning. My life is still stagnant. Then, I beat myself up for it.
Somewhere along the road of my life, I have bought into the misconception that you are supposed to have the answers for everything right after college. Maybe, in a sense, this makes me a control freak. Actually, I would say that is more than accurate, because even if the smallest aspect of my life isn't going the way I want it to go, I will worry about it incessantly.
I'm trying really hard to reverse this habit. I need to learn the difference in ambition and lack of patience. I need to learn to cherish my life situations, both good and bad. I need to learn to embrace uncertainty and the unknown, because I'm sure whatever the result of those things are will be one so amazing that I never could have imagined it for myself.
I need to trust God. I need to pray. I need to be happy with myself, and my life...even the parts that I feel like I should be able to be unhappy with. Today, I encourage you to do the same.