Our Own Worst Critics
Have you ever sat down at the keyboard, having a million things you want to write about, but then it just doesn't seem to be the right time to talk about any of them? That's how I'm feeling today. To be perfectly honest, I don't quite know how to deal with that. Normally, I just take what I'm feeling and run with it. But, there is so much swimming around in my head right now that I would have to write ten separate posts just to make my feelings coherent.
Do you ever just feel really disappointed in yourself? It is said that we are our own worst critics, and the older I get, the more I agree with that. There are days when all you can think about is, "Man, I should have done this. I was capable of so much more," or "The reason you are going through this now is because of your past actions. It's no one's fault but your own." This gets to a point where you get the idea in your head that you aren't just disappointing yourself, but also everyone that you care about. That may not always be the case, but it's how it feels.
I don't know about you guys, but a lot of times I have this terrible notion that everyone that cares about me looks at me and automatically sees the negative things. When this happens, we feel the need to be "on guard" all of the time, because we don't want our negatives to show. As human beings, we want all of our positive aspects to shine. This is why being a control freak is such a bad thing at times...because we want everything to be all positive, every second, of every day. We don't like to accept that we have flaws.
We don't want to accept that we are stubborn, we want to be viewed as driven. We don't want to be told we need to make a change, we want the current way we are going to automatically be the right way. We don't want to admit that we are suffering from addictions, or we are overweight, or we have major personality flaws, or any of those "hard" things that every single person has to deal with in some fashion. We just want to be loved, and accepted, even if we don't love or accept ourselves.
Why is it so difficult to realize that having flaws isn't a bad thing? Everyone has them, so why do they make us feel so singled out and alone sometimes? How do we come to terms with changing the bad, while realizing that there is still so much good within us? It's a delicate balance, one that I still can't seem to grasp, and you may be struggling with too.
Today, I am challenging myself to believe that my flaws do not have to play a part in my self-worth. I know who I am in my heart. I know who I am in God. Now I have to learn who I am as a flawed person, no matter how hard that may be, so that I can stop feeling like I am in a constant battle with myself. Will you do the same? Let's become people who learn from our mistakes, and find beauty in the pain. Let's be stronger than our negatives.
Posted by Miranda @ My Restless Soul at 6:10 AM