It's no secret that my blogging has been pretty sporadic over the past couple of months. The truth is, I can't tell you how many times I have hit the "compose post" button, typed a few sentences, and deleted everything before closing out of Blogger. Why has that been happening? Because I feel like I have had nothing but negative things to say, and sometimes a person just gets tired of reading (or writing) negative things. As a result, I figured it best to just stay away for a while, and hope that my blog would still be intact when I was ready to post regularly again.
It isn't just my blog that has been suffering because of my bad attitude...it's pretty much everything in my life. I haven't been writing, I haven't been as careful with my money, I have been neglecting my friends and family, I haven't been praying...I haven't even been reading. Most days after work, I would come home and lay in bed until I fell asleep, then drag myself up the next morning and do it all over again. Feeling stuck in my previous job, combined with other circumstances that will never be discussed publicly, were controlling me in the most negative way possible. I don't always handle my emotions well, and this portion of my life is proof of that.
So, I'm here today to say something...I'm done.
I am done feeling this way. I'm done putting everything I love in jeopardy just because I don't feel like I deserve to be happy. Because that is such a lie. People make mistakes, and no mistake, no matter how big, should have the power to make a person feel like they don't deserve happiness in the future. Therefore, I'm more than ready to accept happiness again.
I'm about two and a half weeks into training at my new job, and guess what? I absolutely love it. It is an amazing company, full of genuine employees, and I don't think I could feel any more at home. It's not the type of business I ever imagined I would work for, but I think that actually makes it even better. Sometimes you end up feeling the most comfortable in the most unexpected places. I still miss my old co-workers, but this job is so much better for my spirit, and I have no doubt that taking the chance and accepting the position was the right thing to do.
I know that everything else will begin to fall back into place too. My creativity is returning, and I'm ready to start writing/blogging again. I'm ready to put energy back into my friendships and relationships. I'm ready to make the most of each day, because life is too short, and I have too much faith to waste my days feeling sad. It's time to accept the bad without letting it control me. It's time to complete everything that I feel is incomplete. It's time to live in a way that makes me happy; not in a way that I feel like I have to in order to please others.
I'm ready to start over.