Taking Ownership


Is there something about looking through the pictures on a person's cell phone that is intriguing to you?

I mean, I know that I, personally, am a pretty nosey person, so I often find myself spending a few minutes swiping through pictures on my friend's phones (with their permission of course), and asking questions like, "Oh, where was this?" or "Who is that? Have I met them before?" Before I know it, I have flipped through about 800 random pictures of the person's life, and I feel like I come out of the experience knowing them a little better somehow.

Today, I caught myself being nosey with the photos on my own phone. It was interesting to find myself doing that, because I took/saved all of the pictures on there...so they really shouldn't be that interesting, right? I guess that assumption is wrong, because I sat there and took a hard look at every single one of them. And it wasn't the type of hard look where I sat there and picked apart my appearance in every picture, or wished that I looked as cute as my friends did...it was the type of hard look where I was really just appreciating the different scenes that I was reliving.

I'm pretty hard on myself and my life, and I spend about 85% of my time in a mood where I constantly convince myself that I am unsuccessful or should be doing something better with my life. I make myself believe that I'm mediocre...I look average, I work an average job, and I lead an average, boring life. I reprimand myself for not having "enough" fun or going places that matter. I make myself wish that I had different dreams or interests...ones that could actually make me "successful" in the world's eyes, because I so often get sucked into the idea that being perceived as success is more important than being true to myself and doing the things that bring me joy.

I partly blame this on social media...and even blogging. Think about it...when you scroll through your Facebook or Twitter feed every day, what do you see? Pictures of people on your dream vacation, statuses about dream jobs, proclamations of accomplishment, faces of happy couples and happy families...a lot of really great stuff, right? Don't get me wrong...these are all wonderful, wonderful things...but a lot of times watching people do things that you want to do, and be people that you want to be, brings out that little green monster of jealousy. Then, before you know it, you're making yourself believe that you don't have some of those things that you really want because you don't deserve them, and you make yourself believe that your own life is subpar, when it's actually insanely great.

I think looking through my pictures on my phone today made me realize that. My life is great. Just because I can't travel right now doesn't mean that I never will. Just because all of my goals haven't been accomplished doesn't mean that they aren't going to be. Just because I'm not in a relationship with the person who will "complete my life" doesn't mean that I will be alone forever. Comparison is always going to be the thief of joy. Measuring your life up to someone else's is always going to bite you in the rear. That's just the cold, hard truth.

It isn't always easy to appreciate things for what they are, and it definitely isn't easy to appreciate your life for what it is when you have this insane standard of "perfection" clouding your vision. Sometimes you just have to wipe your eyes and see your life for what it really is. Maybe it isn't ideal...but it's yours, and endless possibilities come with taking ownership of your past, present, and future.

2 comments

Vicky Hunt said...

Oh how I loved this Randa...:) It brought tears to my eyes, but tears of joy, not sorrow. I so enjoyed every moment of the weekend with you (and granny). Can't wait until I can come visit again.

Love Always, Mama

Kelli @Just Beachy said...

I often think of my life as average too but then I think but more often than not I am mostly happy with my average life.

I do love to look at pictures, on phones, on Facebook, on IG. I love to see the story of a person's life as told in pictures.