Prague is pretty much all that is on my mind lately.
Some of you are probably already tired of hearing about it, and I'm not even there yet.
It's just like any event in life that we get excited about though. It's comparable to the feeling that I had right before I graduated high school, or started college at FSU, or saw Phantom of the Opera live for the first time. It's that feeling of nervousness and needing time to let everything sink in, combined with the opposing feeling of needing the event to be here right at this very second. However, the feeling that I'm having this go round is about a million times more intense. I can't sit still. My brain won't stop. I'm ready to go. I'm ready for this next chapter of my life to begin.
On the contrary, however, I have also spent a lot of time dwelling and feeling guilty about leaving my friends and family. I know that moving to a foreign country is going to cause the people that I love a lot of unnecessary worry and stress...and that's upsetting. While I know that everyone is excited for me and happy that I am taking the risk of doing something that I have always wanted to do, I also know that there is a part of them that wishes I wasn't going. And that's not a bad thing, it's just hard for someone like me to accept, because I live to make everyone that I love proud of me.
I don't like admitting it, but the fact that people have questioned my decision (which is to be expected, right?) has made me somewhat angry over the past few months. I guess it makes me feel like people don't think I'm smart enough to make a responsible decision. I know that's not the case, but being the overly sensitive individual that I am, that's how I always end up feeling.
I'm slowly realizing though, that the reason there is a disconnect between how I feel about moving abroad, and how my loved ones feel about me moving abroad, simply comes down to one thing...
I have spent a lifetime of preparing for an adventure like this, and everyone else has been thrown into accepting the fact that I'm leaving.
Now, let me explain what I mean by this. I don't mean that I have literally spent a lifetime of saving money, and making to-do lists, and making sure that I have all of the "necessities" taken care of for some grand tip or move abroad. I haven't been planning specifics, and flight dates, or travel schedules...at least not until recently. Honestly, until about 7 months ago, I didn't even realize that this is something that could actually be possible.
What I mean by "preparing," is, I have spent my entire life dreaming about the path that my life could take. I have spent countless hours reading about, thinking about, and lusting over beautiful, foreign places. I have spent a ridiculous amount of nights, lying in bed, unable to sleep, thinking about the things I want to do, the books I want to write, and the people I want to meet. I have devoured and loved books and movies about strong, independent women who create the lives that they dreamed about when they were little girls, and accomplished every little thing that they ever imagined.
And now I have finally found the direction that I am meant to go in to continue to make the dreams that I have been dreaming a reality. While I am definitely nervous about the move to Prague, I am for the most part very calm, and EXTREMELY ecstatic....because, like I said, I have been "preparing" for this so long that the majority of my fears have already been calmed. Therefore, I need to be patient and understanding of the fears that my family and friends are expressing...because they are coming solely from a place of love.
I'm not even sure if any of this is making sense, but it's just how my brain has recently been processing the situation. I guess I will just end by saying that I am so THANKFUL that I have people in my life to worry about me. I am grateful to have a support system that always has, and always will, support all of my crazy quirks, ideas, dreams, and plans. I feel like the luckiest woman in the world right now, and I can't wait to actually begin this next crazy life chapter.