Numbers


3 : The number of teaching weeks I have left here in Prague. 
8 : The number of weeks I have left of living in the Czech Republic. 
10 : The number of weeks I have until I am back home in Florida. 

Let me be honest...I haven't blogged because these numbers are all I have been able to think about over the past few weeks. I have so many mixed emotions about everything that is happening...about everything that is yet to happen over the next few months. I don't want to leave Europe, but I do. I want to move home, but I don't. I want to be able to forget about all of the things I haven't yet done, and be thankful for the things that I have been fortunate enough to do. 

I want to stop worrying about money, and what type of job I am going to be able to find when I get home. I want to stop being sad when I think about being across an ocean from my boyfriend, and be happy about working towards our future together. I just want my brain to stop for two seconds so that I can enjoy not only the remainder of my time abroad, but also the transition that I know is about to take place. 

I have been avoiding writing because I don't want to come across as selfish or negative when I speak about these things, but I think the reality of traveling and being abroad is this...it changes you, and it makes you feel strongly about where you are in the world. My heart is feeling torn between three different countries...America, where my family and my friends and my comforts are, England, where Shahid is, and the Czech Republic, which I have learned to love despite the struggles I have had since being here. I feel as if I have been struggling to find my place in the world for a long time now, and after spending time abroad, I'm not closer to that, but further from it. 

And, I know this will all change. It's just a matter of being patient, and making the most of any situation that I find myself in. I am so fortunate to be living this life, and I would not trade it for anything...even to ease my confusions. It will all work out in due time. 

Sorry for this crazy rant...I'm trying to get back on track with my posting. Thanks for reading, and have a wonderful upcoming week! 

2 comments

Kim@Snug Harbor said...

Thought you might be interested in hearing this - my niece came back from Ireland and is working in Denver. She just booked her flight back to Ireland for June and will rejoin her boyfriend for another 3 months. She's no closer to any answers either, but says for right now, she just knows she needs to be back in Ireland. We'll see where the wind blows her from there. Good luck to you!

Linda @ A La Carte said...

Your future is so bright with promise! Hang in there and it will be wonderful.
hugs,
Linda